Update on me.

Ok. I'm going to give this a try. I'm using my iPad mini and I'm not as familiar with the keyboard as I should be. In fact I'm tempted to use the voice feature because #1:  that's rad and how cool that we have such technology & #2:  it's so much easier than trying to type on this tiny little keyboard. (I'm from the typewriter era).  Yes, we had computers by the time I went to college but not in high school. Only rich kids had computers.  The voice feature has it's downfalls though.  Mainly you sound like your talking to yourself.  Enunciating every word is equally embarrassing as talking to yourself.  Too many errors if you don't enunciate.  Another thing I have to do is use "large" font. I'm old and my friggin eyes suck. Almost ready for bifocals. Awesome. 
     So what's been happening since my last post?  I left my job of 24 years. Yep. That was a crazy thing to do. Enough was enough. Happy for the change.  Stressful trying to pay the rent but luckily I had some retirement to cash out. That was so smart of me. No, it wasn't but shit, the kids have gotta eat.  I've been off work for 8 
months and it's boring but I'm really getting used to chillin out all day in my sweats and slippers.  Sexy.  I drink coffee during the day,   beer at night and smoke like a chimney.  Just like a writer.  Actually in between I obsessively check Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and play candy crush.  If only I could get paid for that.  Dammit! 
   I do justify my lazy ass with the fact that I maintained a VERY stressful job for a long time.  I do have a bitchin resume and I've got a few interviews going on.  I do want to get back to work. I need to start rebuilding that 401K.  
     Other than that, I'm still blissfully in love with my partner of 14 years and we are semi-successfully raising our two teenage kids.  I'm still good looking and happy with my life.  Still coaching soccer with a great last season of all stars.  My son scored the championship goal in our last tournament of the season (the only goal of the final game) with a header off of a corner kick and that was BADASS!!  I have become a coach instructor and in addition to coaching the U16/19 boys, I will be the master coach for the U5 
players.  75 four and five year olds shouldn't be tough at all.  Actually with boys and girls it's close to 200 players.  Let's see hoe this goes. 
     I have a job!!!  I'll start training for Red Robin burgers in August.  I've gone on 5 interviews and this place is where I should be. Great food first of all and the people are very nice. It's a good vibe and a good fit. I'll start as a manager in training and be an assistant for 6-9 months but they are paying me what I made as a general manager for McDonald's so that's fine. 26 years with the same company makes it very difficult to start all over but it's what needed to be done. There was no where else to go with McD's. I was miserable my last 5 years or so. It's a lot harder than people think and when company politics get in the way, it's even harder. I did and do still love McD's though. They made me the manager I am today and I'm grateful.  This place is very people centered and they treat their employees very good. My talents will be appreciated and that's really what it's all about:  respect. 
     I know this was a boring post but I had to put a few words down and start posting from this gadget. So I'll get my shit together and throw out a political rant next time.  Hopefully it won't be another 
year before that comes. 
    So until next time... 

Beth...

My friend passed away a few weeks ago. This is her, over the last 20 years.  She was truly a crazy, fun, unexpectedly random, awesome person.  She made life seem so fun and exciting.  Beth Marie Stenmark was someone that captured my heart and a little bit of my soul the moment she came into my life like a crashing, burning giant burst of energy.  I was in love with her for many, many years and later, as we grew and moved onto our separate life styles, I remained in love with her.  She had a way of expressing herself to me that no-one has ever done before or since.  I felt so comfortable with her.  We would never last more that a few years and that was fine, our last conversation was very angry and then peaceful.  She laid into me and gave me a ration of shit for breaking her heart and then we mutually agreed that we loved each other with all our hearts and only want the best for each other.  I ended my very last conversation with her, 3 months before her untimely death, with the words:  "I love you so much, I will always love you"... She told me the same thing.  Of course, she called me right back to say a couple of things she had forgotten to say and then, "I love you".  It's going to be ok, I'm going to be ok, and wherever she is, she is ok.  Beth, I miss you so much.  We didn't talk often over the last few years but I will miss you anyway.  Knowing that I will never see her again in the way I've seen her is so heartbreaking.  Knowing that I will never hear her laugh or talk shit to me, never get a random, out of the blue text message or never hear her say "word up, happy fourth", breaks my heart.  But I do know that her death has made me take a look at my own life, it's made me want to publish my poetry and live my life to the fullest.  Her death has made me realize that although I don't live my life at all the way she lived hers, I need to appreciate what I've got and I can't take things for granted.

I can't write much more because my emotions are still so raw from this unexpected passing of this crazy bitch but I will post a poem or two that were written about her 23 years ago and ironically on the same date that I found out about her death.  I have a lot of poems about Beth but these were clustered together and written during a time in our lives where we were very happy together.  

She will always be my wiener girl and my "guardian angel" and I will cherish our love and our friendship and the time we got to have together.

Beth, I love you, thank you for loving me unconditionally the way you always have.  

yours,

Angie

Where shall I take you

I feel like I’m watching a child grow old

Sometimes I just sit and stare

Sometimes I get mad

Not mad just frustrated

As I watch you turn

Gently at first

But quick as a cat

Smart like a wild rabbit

Stop to watch.  Fear of the world

Maybe I’m the hunter

I’m not a very good one.

 Maybe you’re the hunter

Or just a sympathetic daydreamer

Look at our existence

Grip me with a curled smile

I’m not the one that’s taking you

You are

But I don’t mind

I’ve grown old watching you develop

I’d do it again

You deserve great

You’ve got good

But not enough

Never enough

I’ll keep trying

6/13/90

 I almost like this lifestyle

I said almost damn it

Maybe it’ll never be like yesterday

Maybe it will.

I refuse to answer that question

I refuse to face some truths

I have the right to do that

I can be confused, disillusioned, alone, scared.

I can cry over you

Or I can laugh about this

I choose to ignore it all

I’m the best in the world

I wish I could read your mind

I’d like to know what memories you’ve got stored

Good and bad

What you can sum this up as

And I’d like to know what you think will happen

Scare me

6/13/90

I’ll always love her

I used to fear

I sometimes do

But I’ll always hold this feeling

I’ll never change

I don’t want to

I’ll always love this girl

She’ll always be mine

That won’t change

It cant

I won’t let it die

I’ll die first

6/13/90

sweet dreams wiener girl love A

Weiner girl

It's June 12th or 13th and it's 3 am almost exactly as i start this post.  sometimes, you meet someone, that loves you so much, so unconditionally loves you that even when your a dick this someone still stares at you in awe and will always admire you.  Not like a baby or a child, but more like a puppy.  A puppy that can get angry and annoying but who always loves you, always acts as if nothing is wrong even though they just barked at the mailman.

I had a love like this.  A friend, a lover, a partner in crime, a crazy person that couldn't possibly stay in control long enough to have a serious relationship.  a flower, a hippy almost like Penny Lane in Almost Famous.  Better, stronger, more real because it was real.  Hated her, loved her, needed her, couldn't possibly spend more than a few years with her, but couldn't stay away.  Sexy, unbelievably so.  Head turner... oh my gosh forever she is beautiful.
My memories overpower me.  What a wonderful, ful of wonder, completely individual in a way you can't accept but cannot deny, character.  I will miss you so very much.  I've truly enjoyed your existence.
Thank you.
Sweet dreams,
A

Spreading Hate Like Butter On A Chicken Bun...

 Well, here they are in all their glory, Sarah and I can't even remember... oh Todd... Sarah and Todd Palin acting stupid again.  They are so wrong.  How can people call themselves American and be so closed minded and hateful.  
As I read all of the different statements and opinions about gay marriage, I have to remind myself that I am not married to my partner of 11 years.  We are raising children together but we are not "married" by a church or the state or anything of that sort.  If getting married was as easy for us as it is for heterosexual couples, I don't know that we would be married.  We probably would but I can't say for sure.  Honestly marriage isn't that important to me other than having "legal" rights,  health care, retirement, children etc.  I should expand but I'm too lazy.  Most of you know what the marriage certificate entails.  My parents were married.  My father twice, my mother 4 times in total.  My partners parents have been married more than 40 years and are still in love.  It's not about being married, it's about being told by a religion or a church or a bigot that being gay and married is wrong.

  Maybe the bible does say that 2 dudes or 2 chicks shouldn't get married because God thinks it's wrong.  Maybe homosexuality is a sin, maybe only men and women should raise children together, maybe God did punish all the people in New Orleans with that hurricane because they were sinners.  Only God knows for sure. 

 As I see it, we were created by someone, something and we are here to live a life.  We are meant to live our lives healthy, happy and respectful of other humans, other creatures, and to the earth we've been dropped onto.  Whether it's through our faith in God, Buddha, each other or whatever, we all have to share this world.  I don't care if someone doesn't believe in what I believe, I don't care if someone I meet on the street or at work has a different opinion about religion or marriage than I do.  In fact, I would be annoyed if everyone I've ever met completely agreed with me on every subject because sometimes I'm wrong or need more information to fully understand certain things.  What truly bothers me is when a person of "power" expresses a hateful or hurtful opinion and doesn't care who it affects.  When I say person of power, I mean someone who is heard by thousands or ten's of thousands of people, or someone who is allowed to stand in front of an audience and speak or a classroom.  Any time a politician or a radio talk show host gets out and spews hate, it only incites more hate amongst regular people.  America, freedom of speech, I get it.  Think before you speak in front of millions. 

 Sure Sarah and Todd, we know, your not a big fan of gay marriage.  No one for one single minute thought that you were.  Holding those bags with that phony thumbs up is telling us what?  You love chicken?  You totally agree with Chik-Fil-A and think that marriage should only be between a man and a woman like the bible says?  Or is it really just because Obama made a statement a few months ago about gay marriage being ok?  That's the real deal here right?  Your hatred for him is so intense that you are willing to look even more like a bigot than you already do by supporting a place that you probably never even thought about going to.  It's not just your base, it's just him.  Your probably not racist, your just so up the tea party's ass that ANYTHING to show your opposition to him... you can't resist.  Whatever.  Is it a sin to have a child out of wedlock when the law says sex before 18 is illegal?  Is it a sin to leave your term 1/2 way through because of the stress on your family that you continue to put on them over and over.  Is it a sin to hate another human being as much as you hate Obama.  Let's talk about sin for a minute.


Adultery, divorce, hate, Oxycontin, driving a really long way with a dog on the roof of your car, leaving your wife when she's diagnosed with cancer, naming your son Trig or Trak, comparing a US President to a man that killed at least 11 million people, giving the most false information possible to your viewers on a regular basis, being anti-abortion but pro capital punishment, how about comparing our US President to a psychopathic killer that walked into a theater shooting guns and killing 12 innocent people.  Are these things sins?  Are these things worse than loving another human being and wanting to spend the rest of your life with someone.  I realize that sin is a huge part of the religious argument here.  I also realize that sin is spread everywhere.  The left have sin also, they just don't preach the word of the lord as much.  I don't see how we can mix religion with politics or fast food and think that's ok.  

Have your religious views, teach them to your children, post them on Facebook but don't make a public statement about your religious views when you sell chicken, or when you are trying to get people elected.  Good for Huckabee and Santorum that they have a strong belief system, keep that stuff under your roof, as I will keep my sexuality under mine.  I'm not running for office or hosting a show on TV.  Talk God and the bible on the religion channel or in your church.  Stop telling me about my sin when your sinning everyday more than I do in a year.  Your judgement of others is enough sin for a lifetime.     

When religious people talk about gay people and raising children, that's another thing that really bothers me.  I don't hear anything about child abuse, spousal abuse, incest, child pornography or fathers that desert their children nearly as much as I do about gay parents not being in the best interest of the child.  It seems like as long as there is a mother and father in the picture, the rest is just circumstance.  There is no study showing that children of gay parents turn out any different than children of two heterosexual parents.  The only thing I could find was that lesbian moms spend more time playing with their kids than heterosexual dads do and children of gay parents are less gender specific when it comes to roles of men and women.  In other words, they don't give a care who cooks and cleans or who works full time.  I did find a lot of info about children of divorce, children in abusive homes, children of single mothers or single fathers and children whose parents are first cousins.  No religious groups talk about that do they?


Children raised by gay parents are no worse off then children without fathers or children living in foster care or in orphanages or on the streets.  My children are being raised by gay people, they are "gaybies", they are normal, weird because they're teenagers, but normal.  They aren't gay and probably won't be.  They are healthy and smart and funny.  Mostly, they are loved and they are surrounded by unconditional love.  Not abnormal or inappropriate love, the same kind of love that a mom and dad family have for their kids.  They might get a question or two from their friends but nothing more than that.  We don't dress them in rainbow clothes or walk down the street shouting out our gay pride so that helps some.

Church near a gay friends house in VA

God created us.  You can't "pray the gay away".  It's in our plan whether we are gay or not.  Some of us will be comfortable and accept it, some people will never come out and always suffer in silence or pretend they aren't gay.  Some people are straight and will never be gay.  Most people are straight I believe.  It's not a choice just as having a mole on your ass or talking with a lisp isn't a choice.  You can have a mole removed or go to speech therapy but you can't take a class or go to a retreat and not be gay anymore.  You can choose not to eat at chik-fil-a, you can choose to not say hateful things on your radio show, you can decide to be open minded yet stick to your beliefs.  It's not hard to listen to someones opinion and disagree but it's gotta be tiring to hate someone so much that you search for ways to harm them through speeches and monologues.  Where is the reason? Worried about our country because of health care but not hate?  Worried about the deficit but not the war or corporate greed?  Worried about gay marriage but not divorce, adultery or teenage pregnancy?  Good luck when you get to heaven.  Don't forget your waffle fries. 



this is from an online article on cnn.  thought i should add it:
Politicos such as Santorum and former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee are also showing their support. Huckabee has called for a "Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day" next Wednesday.
The Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD), meanwhile, is promoting a National Same-Sex Kiss Day to be held at Chick-fil-A restaurants across the country on August 3

 The number of Americans who say they have a close friend or family member who is gay, meanwhile, has jumped from 49% in 2010 to 60% today, the first time in CNN polling that a majority of Americans have said that. In the 1990s, most Americans said they did not know anyone close to them who was gay. Attitudes about sexual orientation have also changed over that same time period. In 1998, a majority believed that someone who is homosexual could change their sexual orientation if they chose to do so. Today, only a third feel that way, and the number who say that gays cannot change their orientation is almost six in 10.
quoted from "Chick-fil-A wades into a fast-food fight over same-sex marriage rights"
Sarah Aarthun, CNN