So some-fucking-how I've changed my e-mail on blogspot so whenever I log on, I have to log off and change the e-mail. I can't remember all these passwords, e-mail addresses, login names etc... seriously, it's annoying. I know your supposed to write it down but who has time for all that shit? Not me, I'm telling you that right now, not me friends.
So... the 4th of July was incredible!!! I had the usual great time with the neighbors and friends that are there every year and this year, we threw a little hot sauce in the mix and BAM! I got CRAZY with our dick-head next door neighbors. My dumb ass son decided to go in the back yard of our house and play with a lighter and some dried grass and try to start a fire. 1st of all, how stupid is that? 2nd of all, he's 11 years old and everyone knows 11 year olds are dumb asses. So this mean as hell, angry bitch that lives in the house next to us comes marching down the street and approaches my wife (big mistake)... she says to Amy "I NEED TO TALK TO YOU!!" Amy's like "fuck you" and points to me... (she knows that I'm the one you talk to when a kid of ours is misbehaving... she'll fuck a bitch up...). So this crazy lady walks onto Gramma's lawn (another big mistake as Gramma has had a few jello shots and will also "fuck a bitch up", like mother like daughter). We are having a block party and there is like 25 people on the grass. Gramma says: "get the fuck off my lawn"... oooooh... this didn't go over well... crazy bitch gets mad and I stand up. I politely ask her to walk down to our houses and work this out privately whatever it is that she is pissed off about. AND THEN THE SHIT STORM STARTS...
She begins screaming at me and telling me that my son is trying to set her house on fire. She tells me "all you care about is the fact that he didn't catch the house on fire"... uh yeah, that is kinda the point here right? your house DID NOT catch on fire so shut the fuck up... then we go into a screaming match and if any of you know me, you know that I am not the kind of person that stands up and screams at people. I do not ever, never, ever tell people off in a rude, obnoxious or hurtful way. I always try to work things out and use a big girl voice. I hate to make people embarrassed or feel stupid. I apologize even if I'm not wrong. I'm that kind of person, I try to see both sides... you know, a Libra. This time though, I had had enough. I was using my liquid courage and not for one more God damn minute standing for this bitch's shit talking. A little history will inform you that this woman and her husband have been nothing but mean to my son and Amy. They are rude and stare and approach me constantly about my son and all the horrible terrible things he does to them (it's always stupid shit like taking the bricks off their wall or leaving watermelon on their driveway... you know, really tragic, life threatening shit). So when she starts shouting at me about this little "almost" fire and telling me how he is just a horror and I should do something about it I completely lost control. I stood on my grass, her on hers with her dumb fucking grunting husband behind her and we shouted all the shit that has been going on for the last 2 years. I said that since day one, she's been a bitch. Standing on my lawn when I pulled into my driveway telling me I needed to wash the watermelon off her driveway because she would get ants. She replied "well, we didn't want to get ants". Give me a fucking break... really? ants? Whatever. I talked to her about the bricks Lukas used for a ramp and how she screamed at him and rang my doorbell to yell at me because my son took her wall apart. Fix the fucking wall if your so worried about it. Cement the God damn bricks down bitch! I told her that she was mean and rude and not nice. Yes, I went there! I told her that they were "not nice neighbors...". I know, right? I had to do it. I had to let them know that they were "mean" people. I told her that I've been nothing but nice and smile, wave and introduced myself when we moved in. She told me no-one likes us... I'm like "what the fuck? are you insane? I have more friends in this neighborhood than you've ever had in your whole life"... let's take a poll... bee-otch!
So... really long story short, she tells me "your always defending your son"... uh, HELLO... he's my SON!! Of course I'm going to defend him. I tell her "you have girls, you don't understand". She says: "I raised a boy, I know". I replied (unknowingly) "and I'm sure he turned out AWESOME". I later found out, he's now in jail. She shut up pretty quick after that. My brother in law shows up on my lawn and suddenly... the husband says "I'll kick somebodies ass if I have to". Really? Really? "Who's ass are you gonna kick? Mine? My son's?" It was ridiculous. I let her know that she was a bitch and crazy and their family will no longer push my family around. I have gone out of my way to be nice and neighborly. I have tried and tried to apologize for anything my son does, for my dogs barking, for all of it. But now, I'm done, I'm over it. I'm a fucking good person, a good neighbor and a good parent. I will not tolerate her fucked up attitude and staring at our big gay family anymore. Don't fuck with the nice guy because the nice guy has WAY better karma than you!!!
So... I return to the party completely feeling bad ass and my daughter, who wouldn't give me props if I jumped in front of a bullet for her, tells me "wow, you really stood up to her, that was awesome". It was at that moment that I realized, I did the right thing. My son was grounded but I earned the respect of my wife, my other neighbors that were too scared to say anything to those assholes and my 12 yr old daughter so fuck it....
Now, they still stare, give us dirty looks and try to listen to all of our discussions with any one we meet with in front of our house but they haven't said a fucking word and I'm waiting for that moment that she tries to confront me about anything because even though she's twice my size, enough jello shots and I'll probably punch her in her fat face.
...and that's another neighborhood soap opera story for you... until the next time... good night and keep smiling and waving at your dick head neighbors because they've GOT to be better than ours...
