Friday, January 2, 2015

My mom.

My mom
She worked at a lot if different places and I went with her to work a lot. I've been behind the scenes and spent hours wandering around and checking out places like:  bowling alleys and bars, casinos and their day cares, gemco and jc penny's. I've stood by her and wandered while she sold flower combs at the swap meets and downtown Cincinnati. While she made jewelry for people in the living room. Took the bus to the jeweler. Took a bus to the mall. Walked to church from the mall then back to catch the bus home. She usually had sees candy in her purse. As if she could sense I was bored or irritated she would pull out that white rolled up bag and sure enough there'd be a slightly melted, smudged a bit to the bag California brittle for me.

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Old post that I never finished. Here it is...unfinished. RANT

Here it is:  2013!! hip hip hooray!!
My favorite recent president has been inaugurated again and I have completely changed my job location after 12 years at the same store.  I feel really blessed and lucky to even have a job and a family and a place to live.  The worst part about the new year is that I don't see a lot of financial benefits coming our way anytime soon and things are getting pretty fucking tight.  I hope to get a little tax return but as my kids get older and my wife gets a little more involved in her schooling, we are running out of funds.  It's God damn stressful.
     How the hell did my parents pull this shit off?

On another note, let's talk a little politics.  My favorite blogging subject.  Guns, guns and more mother fucking 2nd amendment rights guns!!  How fucking stupid can people be crying about how Obama is taking away their guns?  I did not, at any point, hear him say he was going to take away guns from gun owners.  I'm all for having a gun if you know how to use it.  Go hunting, protect your family with a fire arm locked up for safety, go to the shooting range and have fun.  You don't need an Ak-47 to do that right?  How about these gun show people that are accidently firing their gun off in a room full of people?  Whatever, accidents happen, but if your a crazy person (crazier than most), I'm hoping you don't have a gun.  My oldest brother, living in Kentucky, is a hunter.  I love him, I'm proud of him, when he tells me he shot a ten point buck, i'm proud of him.  He eats the meat, he hunts.  Good for him.  He knows how to use a gun safely.  That's what guns are used for today.  Hunting.  Not killing, unless your in a war.  That is all, that's my voice about it.  Just hunt shit your planning on eating or fight for the country, don't kill civilians or regular old people.  Call me naive but that's what I think.  I'm not shooting rabbits and deer and shit but if ya'll are, go for it.  Whatever, that's your thing and I'm not telling you not to.  You do not need a gun that has hollow bullets or an AK-47, you just don't.

Well, how about our president stating that gay people should have rights?  That's pretty fucking cool no?  If you've read any of my blog posts, you already know that I'm not a crazy gay rights person.  I believe in human rights and just allowing people to be themselves, but we need a little help sometimes.  Most gay women can pull shit off, it's the men of the gay community that I think sometimes struggle a little more.  Women, in my opinion, are much, much stronger than men.  Ok, before all of you cry about this, you have to think back...way back, to the old days when women weren't allowed shit.  Yeah, thank you.  We have had to take care of your asses for a lot longer than you ever had to take care of us.  And now, you know what? Your dumb asses make a lot more than us so it's about time after 2 million trillion whatever years, you stepped it the fuck up and take care of women.  Whoa... ok.  Sorry, I got a little crazy.  Well, it's time I just threw this thing out.

Update on me.

Ok. I'm going to give this a try. I'm using my iPad mini and I'm not as familiar with the keyboard as I should be. In fact I'm tempted to use the voice feature because #1:  that's rad and how cool that we have such technology & #2:  it's so much easier than trying to type on this tiny little keyboard. (I'm from the typewriter era).  Yes, we had computers by the time I went to college but not in high school. Only rich kids had computers.  The voice feature has it's downfalls though.  Mainly you sound like your talking to yourself.  Enunciating every word is equally embarrassing as talking to yourself.  Too many errors if you don't enunciate.  Another thing I have to do is use "large" font. I'm old and my friggin eyes suck. Almost ready for bifocals. Awesome. 
     So what's been happening since my last post?  I left my job of 24 years. Yep. That was a crazy thing to do. Enough was enough. Happy for the change.  Stressful trying to pay the rent but luckily I had some retirement to cash out. That was so smart of me. No, it wasn't but shit, the kids have gotta eat.  I've been off work for 8 
months and it's boring but I'm really getting used to chillin out all day in my sweats and slippers.  Sexy.  I drink coffee during the day,   beer at night and smoke like a chimney.  Just like a writer.  Actually in between I obsessively check Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and play candy crush.  If only I could get paid for that.  Dammit! 
   I do justify my lazy ass with the fact that I maintained a VERY stressful job for a long time.  I do have a bitchin resume and I've got a few interviews going on.  I do want to get back to work. I need to start rebuilding that 401K.  
     Other than that, I'm still blissfully in love with my partner of 14 years and we are semi-successfully raising our two teenage kids.  I'm still good looking and happy with my life.  Still coaching soccer with a great last season of all stars.  My son scored the championship goal in our last tournament of the season (the only goal of the final game) with a header off of a corner kick and that was BADASS!!  I have become a coach instructor and in addition to coaching the U16/19 boys, I will be the master coach for the U5 
players.  75 four and five year olds shouldn't be tough at all.  Actually with boys and girls it's close to 200 players.  Let's see hoe this goes. 
     I have a job!!!  I'll start training for Red Robin burgers in August.  I've gone on 5 interviews and this place is where I should be. Great food first of all and the people are very nice. It's a good vibe and a good fit. I'll start as a manager in training and be an assistant for 6-9 months but they are paying me what I made as a general manager for McDonald's so that's fine. 26 years with the same company makes it very difficult to start all over but it's what needed to be done. There was no where else to go with McD's. I was miserable my last 5 years or so. It's a lot harder than people think and when company politics get in the way, it's even harder. I did and do still love McD's though. They made me the manager I am today and I'm grateful.  This place is very people centered and they treat their employees very good. My talents will be appreciated and that's really what it's all about:  respect. 
     I know this was a boring post but I had to put a few words down and start posting from this gadget. So I'll get my shit together and throw out a political rant next time.  Hopefully it won't be another 
year before that comes. 
    So until next time... 

Friday, July 12, 2013


My friend passed away a few weeks ago. This is her, over the last 20 years.  She was truly a crazy, fun, unexpectedly random, awesome person.  She made life seem so fun and exciting.  Beth Marie Stenmark was someone that captured my heart and a little bit of my soul the moment she came into my life like a crashing, burning giant burst of energy.  I was in love with her for many, many years and later, as we grew and moved onto our separate life styles, I remained in love with her.  She had a way of expressing herself to me that no-one has ever done before or since.  I felt so comfortable with her.  We would never last more that a few years and that was fine, our last conversation was very angry and then peaceful.  She laid into me and gave me a ration of shit for breaking her heart and then we mutually agreed that we loved each other with all our hearts and only want the best for each other.  I ended my very last conversation with her, 3 months before her untimely death, with the words:  "I love you so much, I will always love you"... She told me the same thing.  Of course, she called me right back to say a couple of things she had forgotten to say and then, "I love you".  It's going to be ok, I'm going to be ok, and wherever she is, she is ok.  Beth, I miss you so much.  We didn't talk often over the last few years but I will miss you anyway.  Knowing that I will never see her again in the way I've seen her is so heartbreaking.  Knowing that I will never hear her laugh or talk shit to me, never get a random, out of the blue text message or never hear her say "word up, happy fourth", breaks my heart.  But I do know that her death has made me take a look at my own life, it's made me want to publish my poetry and live my life to the fullest.  Her death has made me realize that although I don't live my life at all the way she lived hers, I need to appreciate what I've got and I can't take things for granted.
I can't write much more because my emotions are still so raw from this unexpected passing of this crazy bitch but I will post a poem or two that were written about her 23 years ago and ironically on the same date that I found out about her death.  I have a lot of poems about Beth but these were clustered together and written during a time in our lives where we were very happy together.  
She will always be my wiener girl and my "guardian angel" and I will cherish our love and our friendship and the time we got to have together.
Beth, I love you, thank you for loving me unconditionally the way you always have.  

Where shall I take you
I feel like I’m watching a child grow old
Sometimes I just sit and stare
Sometimes I get mad
Not mad just frustrated
As I watch you turn
Gently at first
But quick as a cat
Smart like a wild rabbit
Stop to watch.  Fear of the world
Maybe I’m the hunter
I’m not a very good one.
 Maybe you’re the hunter
Or just a sympathetic daydreamer
Look at our existence
Grip me with a curled smile
I’m not the one that’s taking you
You are
But I don’t mind
I’ve grown old watching you develop
I’d do it again
You deserve great
You’ve got good
But not enough
Never enough
I’ll keep trying

 I almost like this lifestyle
I said almost damn it
Maybe it’ll never be like yesterday
Maybe it will.
I refuse to answer that question
I refuse to face some truths
I have the right to do that
I can be confused, disillusioned, alone, scared.
I can cry over you
Or I can laugh about this
I choose to ignore it all
I’m the best in the world
I wish I could read your mind
I’d like to know what memories you’ve got stored
Good and bad
What you can sum this up as
And I’d like to know what you think will happen
Scare me

I’ll always love her
I used to fear
I sometimes do
But I’ll always hold this feeling
I’ll never change
I don’t want to
I’ll always love this girl
She’ll always be mine
That won’t change
It cant
I won’t let it die
I’ll die first

sweet dreams wiener girl love A